an honest plea

these last couple of weeks have been a stuggle for me. there are days where i understand God and all that He's done for me; where i can look at my surroundings and say that its all so beautiful. then, out of no where, there is a shift in my thoughts and i am reminded of all the hurt and brokeness in not only the world but in myself. i find myself shaking my fists at God asking all the "right" questions yet not recieving the "right" answers: what is going on with us? why are we so hurtful to one another? dont we all long for the same thing? love and companionship? forgiveness and restoration? and if He is so powerful and all knowing, where is He when people are getting raped? murdered? when is He when children are being sexually and physically abused? they cant defend themselves so why isnt He doing it? why are certain people starving yet i have so much? i didnt do anything do deserve all of this yet i feel untitled to so much. how long must i walk through the wilderness? i believe You exist so why dont You show up already??
i sound crazy. i AM crazy... right?
God, please dont leave me or forsake me. please dont leave me stagnant and angry. please restore me and redeem me. help me love You with all of being. invade the parts of my heart that are secret and dark. please help me forgive those who have wronged me as You forgive me so so much. thank You for always meeting me where im at. im so inconsistent, how do You keep up?? thank You for the many gifts and blessings that You've given me. im sorry for being unfaithful. for walking away time and time again. im sorry for my selfish desires and earthly pleasures. im sorry for doubting Your goodness. continue to prune me and grow me. please humble me and transform me into a righteous woman that brings You glory in everything i say and do. may Your light shine brightly through me.  may i always believe that You are my Saviour, my God, my Friend, my true Love.

He is EVERYWHERE!!!

I am so excited for what God has been and still is teaching me! There are so many cool and exciting things in which i see God moving and restoring!  In my hurting and confusion God is present. In my joy and laughter, God is there! He is in the leaves that are blooming for spring, in the lyrics of my favorite band, in the colors splashed across the sky! He is in the smiles of those around me and in the brokeness of the lost. He is present and He meets us right where we are at! I take comfort in knowing that no matter where we are, whether we are walking through the desert or hiking through the hills or skipping through the forest, God is there! And the most beautiful thing of all, He loves me and you so perfectly and so abundantly. I pray that we continue to believe that and that we continue to place our identity in Him!

God's the coolest artist ever!!!

His creation always takes my breath away!!!  If this is what earth looks like, can you imagine what heaven will look like?! :)

food

iv noticed that lately i have had an appetite of an elephant but nothing ever satisfies me and i walk away even more hungry or just disappointed! i want everything i see but when i start to eat it i think to myself: "why am i eating this again?? its not even that good!" i wonder if this is how my soul is as well..??  i hunger and thirst for God but i turn to other things and they're never quite good enough.  i know what to do when it comes to filling in that void, now its just a matter of doing it!  (what about when it comes to food??... :)

can anyone relate??

today i...

sometimes its good for the soul to just slow down and enjoy the taste, the music and the beauty the world has to offer!

oh emotions...

so iv come to the conclusion that im angry at God... so to say that iv been really excited about being in the word or in fellowship would be a lie... i am not blaming God for sin im just trying to understand Him.  May he reveal Himself to  me this week and may He heal my brokenness... because i am one messed up individual...